WEEK 18 ~ APRIL 30-MAY 6, 2015

Dad's new physio was a bike, amazing how physiotherapists can use their machines to exercise the body when the body is unable to move itself.

On May 1st, we met with Dad's team of doctors and learned that while his immediate condition was stable and slightly improved, the chemo treatment was not effective and his prognosis was poor. We prayed and took comfort in knowing that all things were in God's hands, but it was still heartbreaking. It was a bit of a shock to us and one of our favourite nurses, Paula. The people working in the ICU were great! They were kind and compassionate and made being in the ICU a little bit easier. 

Mark, Kim, Paula and I told Dad what the doctors had shared at the meeting and he was not surprised but rather he was at peace with God's will and decided that no further treatment was necessary. His desire was that he would see Mom one last time on this side of heaven and we began to carefully construct a plan for Mom to come visit Dad, knowing that this would be their last earthly visit. We moved Dad to a new bay as it was a little more private and better for Mom's upcoming visit. Kim and I hung up a picture of Mom and Dad on one of his IV poles so he could see it whenever he was awake. Dad was always thinking about Mom and concerned on how she was doing. We brought video snippets of our visits with Mom daily to show him and he was looking forward to their visit. 

While it felt like life stood still, life kept going...a cat scan, science fair, badminton tournament, track & field meet. and the kids outgrowing their clothes, all while we continued our visits with Mom and Dad. There were some gems that popped up this week among the sadness...I was blessed by a gorgeous sunrise while waiting for Alex's bus and surprised to find a $5 American Girl doll at Value Village while shopping for kids' clothes.

Alex's Track & Field

 Shotput 3rd                         Relay 2nd

Found while shopping for kids clothes

 Visits with Mom and friends

Mark and I were unable to attend my cousin's wedding as we spent most of our time at the hospital or close by. We thought of Martin & Jamie as they pledged their love to one another and wished them a lifetime of love and happiness. 

There was also Grandparent's Day at Carsten and Savannah's school...it was difficult as the kids knew Opa wasn't doing well and Oma wasn't able to come anymore. I was thankful that both of my parents were able to come and Kim's Grandpa, who adopted my kids (we share our family). We are thankful for the christian schools the kids are able to attend and I love that prayer at their schools are a part of their day. I saw this on a board in Carsten's class while I was there taking pictures. 

Carsten all dressed up for band

 My Mom & Dad

Kim's Grandpa

Opa & Oma's @ Grandparent's Day last year

WEEK 17 ~ APRIL 23-29, 2015

I tried pretty much everything...Tylenol Cold/Sinus/Flu, Advil, Benylin, Fishermen Friends, Halls, Nasonex, 8 boxes of kleenex...I caved and went to the doctor as I had been feeling really crummy for a week and a half...I ached everywhere, had horrible headaches, fever, sore throat, constant coughing...Influenza and sinus infection...I felt absolutely miserable and had no energy. Thankfully with some meds, I started on the mend. The worst part was that I could not visit Mom or Dad at all and I knew that Dad was was fighting the flu in addition to so many other things. I am thankful that Mark and Kim kept the visits up while I tried to get better.

There was church fundraising ball hockey tournament and the boys played in it. They had a lot of fun and wish I could have watched more but I needed to go home and rest. 

Alex represented his school in a track and field meet in three event, triple jump, shot put and relay. Kim and I enjoyed watching Alex throw shot put and he did well. 

Savannah found the bike she wanted on sale and she was ready to bring it home. Savannah was very excited to show Kim her new bike and tried it out riding around on her road.

Dad got a tracheotomy which helped him feel more comfortable and it was encouraging to see little improvements...Dad sitting in a chair, being more awake, increased communication and asking questions about what all the machines around him were. Kim helped to answer those questions by explaining to Dad what he was hooked up to and why it was needed, giving him the option to increase or decrease pain medication as he needed. We also took occasional videos of the kids to show Opa, especially since the kids had not visited him since his move to the ICU. Dad liked seeing what the kids were up to and especially liked seeing Sav's biking video.

Alex throwing shot put

Savannah's Bike

Carsten's Science Project

WEEK 16 ~ APRIL 16-22, 2015

There were days of improvement and days of deterioration in Dad's condition but we were encouraged that he communicated with hand squeezes, eye blinks, head movement and wiggled his toes when asked. We were grateful that Kim helped us learn this new "silent" form of communication. This was definitely something we could apply to our lives in the hospital but also implement in the world when we will undoubtedly come across someone who is not able to verbally communicate. We wish that more people could realize just because a person can't walk or talk does not mean they are unable to communicate...they just communicate in different ways then what we may be familiar with. 

We met with Dad's team of doctors and updated friends and family following our meeting,

Dear Family, This afternoon Dad K's team of doctors was able to meet with all six children and some in-laws. After hearing reports from hematology and the ICU doctors we are now better able to work through decision and plans. After being intubated for 10 days it is now necessary to consider moving towards a tracheotomy. Intubation does cause complications when used for an extensive period of time. This will likely happen sometime during the next 24-48 hours. Hematology spoke about the Lymphoma being a treatable cancer, but that administering further chemo would depend on his condition improving. The ICU doctor spoke about his overall condition and the measures that are being used to support him. Dad K. has cancer, pneumonia, some tumor lysis, occasional irregular heartbeat and requires ventilation support for breathing and requires dialysis of his kidneys. His condition is grave and the future uncertain. As family we are extremely grateful for the care he is receiving and the respect they have for the family's desires and beliefs. Above all we are grateful for the loving care of our heavenly Father who is giving grace day by day as we journey through this. Thank-you also to all of you who are faithfully praying and supporting us during this time. We covet your prayers for Mom & Dad K. Please pray for a miracle of healing, peace, patience, and grace to say, "Your will be done, Lord!”

While Mom had difficult moments, we were encouraged with some good moments when she looked at scrapbooks, talked with us and enjoyed holding Logan...what an answer to prayer!

Each grandchild receives a bike for their 10th birthday from Oma and Opa and Savannah was ready to start looking for her birthday bike. Bikes are a little hard to find on sale in February so we waited til the weather warmed up a bit and Savannah began her search for the "perfect bike". Savannah enjoyed her one on one time with Mom and Dad but she decided to wait until her bike goes on sale.

WEEK 15 ~ APRIL 9-15, 2015

Another tough week but clinging to God..."Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." - Matthew 11:28-29

Visits with Dad and Mom kept us on the move. When I look back at the pictures, I see how quickly things can change. I loved the times at the nursing home when many ladies gathered wherever Kim, Mom and I settled...they loved the conversation, music and fellowship (and still do).

Chemo started and Dad continued to struggle with breathing. He was placed on oxygen and also started meds to treat Tumor Lysis Syndrome (fancy name for what happens when a tumor breaks down). Mark continued to spend his days and evenings with Dad, as he felt great comfort knowing that someone was there beside him. Mark, Kim and I all got home in the evening and were going to relax a little and share information from the day, when the call came that Dad was taken down to the Critical Care Trauma Unit (ICU). Mark left for the hospital immediately while Kim and I informed family, cried and prayed together. Over the next couple days, Dad was intubated, sedated and dialysis was started. Antibiotics started for possible pneumonia...medicines and machines turned up and down as his condition required. Dad was diagnosed with Influenza which meant everyone had to gown and glove up to see him. Healthy people take 5-10 days to recover from the flu but Dad would take longer. Often it seemed like it was one step forward, two steps back.

It is amazing how quickly medical terms, monitors, machines, etc become "familiar and normal" and the beeps and sounds became a comfort. (R-CHOP chemotherapy, Tumor Lysis Syndrome, Ventilator settings, Edema, Peritoneal Dialysis or Hemodialysis, Intubation, Bronchoalveolar lavage, X-rays, Heparin, Sedation, Mean Arterial Pressure, etc).

Supper at Roadhouse for after a long day, refreshed by food and time with family. We tried to shield the younger kids from the really tough stuff while being honest with them about the gravity of the situation. Thankfully the kids were resilient through this difficult time.

While I don't normally put much belief in fortune cookies messages, I opened one this week that had a message inside that was very true..."It is during difficult times that true friends become apparent." Mark and I were incredibly blessed to have our friend, Kim walk this journey along side us. Both Mom and Dad adopted her into their family and we know how much Dad appreciated her visits and care. It seems insufficient to just say "Thank you" but there are not enough words to show our gratitude.

We also remembered Mom and Dad's 54th Anniversary, the first anniversary they spent apart.

WEEK 14 ~ APRIL 2-8, 2015

Dad was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma (Large B-Cell) and the doctors shared that statistics showed it was a treatable cancer. Medicine was given to break down the tumour and tests were ongoing to make sure he was ready for treatment. Dad wanted the comforts of home but knew he needed the medical care in the hospital...The biggest challenge for him was being in London, away from friends and family, whose fellowship he longed for.

Easter gave the family a chance to visit Mom and Dad, as well as each other and we were reminded that it's often in dark times that we lean more on each other. Trying to find a gem in the midst of our trial, we saw that the cousins had the opportunity to visit each other more often, get reacquainted and we have been blessed to see their friendships grow stronger.

Claire, Carsten, Savannah  and Olivia had a great time delivering chocolate to Oma and all the ladies in her unit. Oma LOVES chocolate and so did many of the ladies.

Kim and I are always excited to see Christian movies come to theatres near us and we had "Do You Believe?" on our calendars to go see when it came out. After a visit with Mom, we watched the movie and we were left with 2 questions,

"DO YOU BELIEVE?"

"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?"

Check out the trailer here 

To add a little more to our week, I slipped on some ice and fell hard in the parking lot on the way into the nursing home and twisted my knee and ankle again...feels like my knee may never be the same. Savannah also got sick and was down and out for a day...Never a dull moment around here it seems.

WEEK 13 ~ MARCH 26-APRIL 1, 2015

Mark's dad was taken to the ER to find relief from fluid retention, abdominal swelling and difficulty breathing, which ended in him being admitted. We hoped this would be a short hospital stay and he would be able to return home once his condition stabilized. 

As Mark's family is spread over quite a distance, not everyone was able to be physically present daily so Mark took on the role of primary family caregiver for Dad, while Kim and I worked to ensure Mom settled well into Valleyview. Despite Dad's poor health, his primary concern each time we saw him was how Mom was doing and how her transition to the nursing home was going and was always visibly relieved when we could share a positive story about her day. 

Looking back, I stumbled across some notes reflecting on how thankful I was for a meal we were able to eat together as a family and it made me realize how thankful I was to have kids that were able to cook aka heat up "homemade fast-food out of a box" (as Savannah lovingly described our suppers). 

Uncle John, Aunt Sue, Ben and Caleb came from out west and a highlight was going bowling with some of the family, followed by Dairy Queen treats. 

Kim and I bought Red Wings tickets at the school auction and it was a welcome distraction from the craziness of life back home. I think Carsten and Savannah just enjoyed uninterupted time away with Kim and I. It made it all the more fun that our team won :)

Blogging Again & Ready to Catch Up

I know I abandoned my blog last year and I have tried several times to write the next post but I just didn't know how to share what was going on in our life. December 2014 - May 2015 was a busy and difficult period in our life, as we were in crisis mode helping my father-in-law in his battle with cancer and caring for my mother-in-law who is plagued with Alzheimer's. 

I hope over the next few days and weeks to get caught back up but I think I want to start with a post I wrote based on a blogpost I came across during my blogging break. The original post written by Maddi is found at Fieleke Front Porch  http://fielekefrontporch.com/2015/03/17/im-not-a-liar-but-facebook-sure-is/

I’M NOT A LIAR BUT FACEBOOK AND

MY BLOG SURE CAN BE.

I have some confessions about pictures I pulled from my Facebook feed and Project Life moments I have picked to share (and will share) on my blog in the coming months...

In this picture, you see Savannah, Carsten, Kim and I taking a selfie at a Red Wing game. What you don’t see is that this is some much needed time away from the stress of balancing visits with my mother-in-law, who is not settling in well at the nursing home and my father-in-law who is battling cancer, while trying to hold down the fort with my 3 kids and my babysitting job of 4 kids as well.

In this picture, what you see is Mom resting peacefully with me in the nursing home. What you can’t see is the previous couple hours when Kim and I fed her lunch, consoled/calmed her, walked with her and sang with her until she relaxed and we could settle her in her chair in time for us to slip out to pick up the kids from school. 

In this picture, you obviously see Mark goofing around with me...making sure my brains haven't fallen out. What you don't see is that we have barely saw each other lately and we are about to slip into his dad's ICU room. You don't see the monitors, wires, leads, medications, IVs, the seriousness of what lays behind the curtain. 

In this picture, you see two people holding hands. What you don't see is the behind the scenes planning it took to arrange the last visit for my in-laws, one battling cancer and the other Alhzeimer's, who honoured their wedding vows til death parted them... 

for better, for worse,

for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and health,

to love and to cherish, 

til death to us part.

In this picture, you see a happy family visit. What you don't see is that it is Mother's Day and we were visiting Mom honouring her as a woman who has done so much for us, but also to share the news that her husband of 54 years had passed into glory. We, as a family, chose to tell mom once that dad passed away, unsure of whether she would understand or remember it.

I’m not a liar, but Facebook and Blogs can be.

As I begin again, I am not trying to be something we are not or to lie about life but I am trying to keep a bit of a journal of the happenings in our life. I will aim to be positive so as not bring people down with the nitty gritty, fights, laundry or dishes that haven't been done in days. I am not intending to give everyone the impression that out life is picture perfect, it's far from that and that's ok. I also want to respect the people that I am sharing life with. I am sure I will post a few of those pictures or stories but please just remember that...

LIFE IS MORE THAN WHAT I POST 

ON FACEBOOK OR MY BLOG.

So the next time you see me post pictures or a new blog post is up, Realize that our life is not just the pretty pictures and fun things we may do, but it is also full of dirty dishes that overflow the sink, never ending laundry, baked cookie fails, sibling squabbles, frustrations with a spouse, sickness, work trips, school obligations, and all the nitty gritty. 

THIS IS OUR REALITY.

P.S. I love this part from the original post...

Life is not 1 dimensional. There are always things happening simultaneously in our lives and none of the pictures we post on social media can adequately portray that.

I think we have to be careful about assumptions we make when we look at pictures and status updates.

Instead of seeing a picture and thinking, “Woah, she looks great. Why can’t I be as skinny as she is? And she has such cute clothes! I wish I made more money to take fun vacations like their family does. Her husband seems so great, I bet they are so happy. She is such a good Mom, too!” We should learn to appreciate our friend’s pictures and statuses at face value, “Oh thats cute, I hope they are having a great day.”

When I am with someone in person that just happens to be my Facebook friend, I have been trying to be intentional about asking them questions that embrace the real messiness of our lives. “It’s so good to see you! How is your family doing with the new move? I’m sure there are some really good parts and some really hard parts about it!” Or, “I saw that your sweet little one had a birthday party recently! That’s really fun! How are you adjusting to all the new things that come with having a 2 year old?”

So do we kick out social media all together? Heck no! I love Instagram and mindlessly surfing Facebook when I get a free 5 minutes, err, I mean, 20 minutes before I even know the time has passed. Oh my kids need lunch? Oops!

So, next time I post a picture on social media, feel free to assume that one of the three females in my house just had an epic melt down and my patient husband is dealing with all our drama, while there is laundry overflowing, dirty dishes, work piling up, and a few really messy situations unfolding. That my friends, is our reality! And I will assume that it might just be your’s too!

http://fielekefrontporch.com/2015/03/17/im-not-a-liar-but-facebook-sure-is/